Who took Lazy Eye?!

This past Friday was a really unlucky day.

That morning, the Crow was looking for Oso’s leash, and I told her to check our car (since we had taken her for a hike the day before). “Would your car be in the driveway?”, she asked. “Ummm, yes…?” I half respond as we both stare at the vacant spot. After trying to recall if Slow Boy drove it to the neighbors (but why?) or parked it around the corner (really, why would he?), it took us several minutes to realize that someone STOLE it.

It’s shocking because theft is, but also because our driveway is sandwiched between our house and the neighbors. That’s pretty ballsy! Even worse, Slow Boy was actually feeling sick that night and had moved to the living room to cough alone. So he was sleeping in the room next to the driveway, with the windows open since it’s been so hot in Portland. And yet, they successfully managed to steal the car. There was no broken glass. Maybe they pushed it down the hill? Of course we wonder if we actually locked it — we can visualize doing it but that’s because we always do.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t just the car. On this rare occasion, Slow Boy’s wallet, phone, gps, and my ipod were in the console. The day before, we had gotten home from a hot hike and I think we were just sun-dumb to really clear the car out. Plus theft just really isn’t on our radar. Sadly, it is now.

We think it was some kids who took it for a joyride. They used the credit card at McD’s, then tried to buy TriMet month passes. Our bank detected fraud as they tried to buy three (pretty impressed with the bank’s algorithm for knowing we don’t normally do such things at 5am). So, if they were really looking to steal and keep a car, why would they need a bus pass? And if they were pros, would they go to McD’s where there are security cameras? Oh, not to mention they dialed a local number on his phone. Tried it, went straight to machine (the ones with no voice).

We’ve gone from shocked, pissed, to sad. I know, I know: we’ve mentioned many times how we’re excited to get a new fuel-efficient car and are simply waiting for ours to run out. But, we’re attached to Lazy Eye, who really has been reliable through and through on all kinds of trips. Lazy Eye got its name from when a truck rear ended us, bending in the fender and right front headlight so that it now looks ever so slightly outward. Sometimes it’s Lazy for short, since it’s not exactly the first car to make it over the 26 overpass hill.

After the rear end accident, we didn’t bother fixing it since the cash was worth more than the car, and removed collision insurance. That sadly included comprehensive so now we’re stuck with nothing covered (the stuff inside isn’t worth more than the $1k deductible).

This is our second time being victim of theft. The first time someone broke into a house we rented and only stole Slow Boy’s five gallon wine jug collection of pennies from childhood; I want to tell the guy, “Hey, those were his birthday presents!” This time it included my ipod (a gift from my sisters in college), Slow Boy’s wallet since high school, and Lazy Eye and its older Oregon plates. Most things are replaceable, but really, not entirely.

Anyway, the police have all the information and maybe we’ll make it to SE 91st and Powell (where they went to McD’s) to look around for an abandoned car. If you’re feeling on the lookout, it’s a blue-greenish Nissan Altima ’97. And it has a Lazy Eye. You can’t miss it.

Lazy Eye



  1. annie, i’m so, so sorry 😦 that really stinks, to say the least. i hope they can recover it and at least some of the valuables inside. sending good thoughts your way.

  2. Andrea · · Reply

    No way!!!! I am so bummed to hear about your car!!! 😦

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